Words for My Biography

ELY (n.)
The first, tiniest inkling you get that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.

WEMBLEY (n.)
The hideous moment of confirmation that the disaster presaged in the ely (q.v.) has actually struck.

SCOPWICK (n.)
The flap of skin which is torn off you lip when trying to smoke an untipped cigarette.


AHENNY (adj.)
The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves.

SOLENT (adj.)
Descriptive of the state of serene self-knowledge reached through drink.

FARNHAM (n.)
The feeling you get about four o'clock in the afternoon when you haven't got enough done.


CHICAGO (n.)
The foul-smelling wind which precedes an underground railway train.

PELUTHO (n.)
A South American ball game. The balls are whacked against a brick wall with a stout wooden bat until the prisoner confesses. (Extended figurative Usage (American): Graduate School, Years 3-4; Specifically, for encounters between second most senior professor on dissertation committee and oneself in Chicago).

TREWOFFE (n.)
A very thick and heavy drift of snow balanced precariously on the edge of a door porch waiting for what it judges to be the correct moment to fall. From the ancient Greek legend 'The Treewofe of Damocles'.
(*am on lookout for word which means the same, but with a raccoon (with a limp) perched on said snowdrift).

SHOEBURYNESS (abs.n.)
The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

VENTNOR (n.)
One who, having been visited as a child by a mysterious gypsy lady, is gifted with the strange power of being able to operate the air-nozzles above aeroplane seats. (Also of Greyhound buses)

ABERYSTWYTH (n.)
A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.

ABILENE (adj.)
Descriptive of the pleasing coolness on the reverse side of the pillow.

ALLTAMI (n.)
The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.

TAROOM (vb.)
To make loud noises during the night to let the burglars know you are in.

SIMPRIM (n.)
The little movement of false modesty by which a girl with a cavernous visible cleavage pulls her skirt down over her knees.

SITTINGBOURNE (n.)
One of those conversations where both people are waiting for the other one to shut up so they can get on with their bit.

GREAT WAKERING (participial vb.)
Panic which sets in when you badly need to go to the lavatory and cannot make up your mind about what book or magazine to take with you.


ADLESTROP (n.)
That part of a suitcase which is designed to get snarled up on conveyor belts at airports. Some of the more modern adlestrop designs have a special 'quick release' feature which enables the case to lip open at this point and fling your underclothes into the conveyor belt's gearing mechanism.

WIMBLEDON (n.)
That last drop which, no matter how much you shake it, always goes down your trouser leg.

WINKLEY (n.)
A lost object which turns up immediately you've gone and bought a replacement for it.

NUBBOCK (n.)
The kind of person who has to leave before a party can relax and enjoy itself.

AINDERBY STEEPLE (n.)
One who asks you a question with the apparent motive of wanting to hear your answer, but who cuts short your opening sentence by leaning forward and saying 'and I'll tell you why I ask...' and then talking solidly for the next hour.

FIUNARY (n.)
The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

OBSBASTON (n.)
A point made for the seventh time to somebody who insists that they know exactly what you mean but clearly hasn't got the faintest idea.

OSHKOSH (n., vb.)
The noise made by someone who has just been grossly flattered and is trying to make light of it.

RIPON (vb.)
(Of literary critics.) To include all the best jokes from the book in the review to make it look as if the critic thought of them.

NIBSTER (n.)
Sort of person who takes the lift to travel one floor.

FARRANCASSIDY (n.)
A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone's bra. (If the biography goes far back enough).

SLIGO (n.)
An unnamed and exotic sexual act which people like to believe that famous films stars get up to in private. 'To commit sligo.' (I wish)

GLASGOW (n.)
The feeling of infinite sadness engendered when walking through a place filled with happy people fifteen years younger than yourself. (If I live five more years)

GODALMING (n.)
Wonderful rush of relief on discovering that the ely (q.v.) and the wembley (q.v.) were in fact false alarms.


(From 'The Meaning of Liff'; go increase descriptive resources for your story....)